Many of you may have read my Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull review recently. And maybe a few were confused over why I made such a big deal over the inclusion of aliens in the movie. I feel I should elaborate on that, and so I shall.
It DOESN'T FUCKING WORK!
Why shouldn't aliens be in an Indiana Jones movie? I'll tell you why! They're fucking aliens! Indiana Jones explores earth's past. Got the message there? The past of the earth. Not the past that aliens from another dimension are involved in! As odd as this sounds for an Indiana Jones movie, that isn't possible, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! You can't travel between dimensions, you can't possibly talk to these dead and skeletal creatures, they can't comply with you, you can't absorb all the knowledge they possess, and they can't just fucking fly away to whatever dimension they came from. Indiana Jones has met Nazis, Thugees, and Russians. Very prominent societies of earth's history. Aliens have nothing to do with the Mayans. And it seemed very last-ditch effort on Spielberg and Lucas's part. I didn't enjoy the fact that that may be the last Harrison Ford Indiana Jones movie. (Next comes Indiana LaBeouf.) That made aliens harder to cope with.
My apologies if you didn't understand a bit of what I said. Watch the movie and come back ok?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
May 15th: Rebuttals on the Run
This week I was watching G4's Reviews on the Run, a video-game reviewing show inferior to X-Play, (It's the only thing on before school ok?) and they happened to review Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I watched in absolute awe as they gave my favourite Wii game a 8 and a 7 out of ten. (Two reviewers.) Now, I believe in free speech and rights to opinions, but the bias! Holy fucking shit! I couldn't believe it! They marked it down for several (mostly unjustified) reasons, and I will proceed to list them AND present my rebuttal to each. Hang on... I'm looking at the website here... and now it's giving it an average score of nine point five? http://www.elecplay.com/articles_review.php?article=11754 Ridiculous. Read that on your own.
ROTR Argument 1:
It's a button masher with no real strategy involved.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Are you fucking serious? Smash is about split-second decision making, wise item use, and strategic use of movesets. Any asshole can press the A Button a bunch and run away, but using items and special moves intelligently is how you win.
ROTR Argument 2:
I don't understand why the cute Nintendo characters are beating each other up.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Why are they driving Karts, playing Baseball, and in the Olympics? You didn't mark down those games for that reason. (DISCLAIMER: Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games sucks ass.)
ROTR Argument 3:
It doesn't stack up to other fighting games.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Those other games are button mashers, and Brawl just doesn't compare to their realism, gore factor, and...gore factor.
ROTR Argument 4:
Victor didn't like the other games in the series.
Mat's Rebuttal:
That's fine, but don't knock down this one because Melee wasn't your cup of tea.
That's my opinion, whither you like Brawl or not.
ROTR Argument 1:
It's a button masher with no real strategy involved.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Are you fucking serious? Smash is about split-second decision making, wise item use, and strategic use of movesets. Any asshole can press the A Button a bunch and run away, but using items and special moves intelligently is how you win.
ROTR Argument 2:
I don't understand why the cute Nintendo characters are beating each other up.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Why are they driving Karts, playing Baseball, and in the Olympics? You didn't mark down those games for that reason. (DISCLAIMER: Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games sucks ass.)
ROTR Argument 3:
It doesn't stack up to other fighting games.
Mat's Rebuttal:
Those other games are button mashers, and Brawl just doesn't compare to their realism, gore factor, and...gore factor.
ROTR Argument 4:
Victor didn't like the other games in the series.
Mat's Rebuttal:
That's fine, but don't knock down this one because Melee wasn't your cup of tea.
That's my opinion, whither you like Brawl or not.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
May 8th: Peripheral Envision (Or lack there of.)
I was outraged when Sony first unveiled SixAxis controls. This occurred about one or two years after the Nintendo Revolution's motion capable remote was revealed. But it failed to the best of my knowledge, as not a lot of games used it well, I don't know, I don't own a PS3. Even after Wii's motion controller was the clear cut winner, I still couldn't believe what Sony tried to pull off.
And now it's Microsoft's turn.
I nearly shit myself when I first saw this atrocity on X-Play. A little Google later, and I find this: http://www.become.com/pocketchange/xbox-wiimote.jpg. Now anybody who reads this can argue me down and defend the 360 as much as they want, but I think Microsoft's just a bit jealous of the numbers.
21,281,253 Wii's sold as of right now. 18,380,440 360's sold as of right now.
How? The 360 is the superior console. And I can say that, I own both. It has HD capabilities, superior online play, better graphics, and great games. (Halo 3, Bioshock, Gears of War, etc.) Wii is just more accessible to everyone. No non gamer will ever play Halo and make use of it. They wouldn't be able to tell look from move, jump from melee. They'd be the whipping boy. Give a non gamer Wii Sports Tennis, and any Pro could have a worthy opponent on his/her hands. 360's got a fan base, Wii just has innovation. Microsoft just wants to belong.
Which brings me to the foul language. If Microsoft wants to make another fucking innovation into video games, they shouldn't make a blatant knock-off of an existing and prominent piece of hardware, as theirs will likely be a piece of shit like SixAxis, and this other remote Sony's making: http://news.teamxbox.com/xbox/13250/Sony-Patents-WiimoteKiller-Game-Controller/ (Finally,I can grasp items for real?) Invest your research dollars into something new.
And now it's Microsoft's turn.
I nearly shit myself when I first saw this atrocity on X-Play. A little Google later, and I find this: http://www.become.com/pocketchange/xbox-wiimote.jpg. Now anybody who reads this can argue me down and defend the 360 as much as they want, but I think Microsoft's just a bit jealous of the numbers.
21,281,253 Wii's sold as of right now. 18,380,440 360's sold as of right now.
How? The 360 is the superior console. And I can say that, I own both. It has HD capabilities, superior online play, better graphics, and great games. (Halo 3, Bioshock, Gears of War, etc.) Wii is just more accessible to everyone. No non gamer will ever play Halo and make use of it. They wouldn't be able to tell look from move, jump from melee. They'd be the whipping boy. Give a non gamer Wii Sports Tennis, and any Pro could have a worthy opponent on his/her hands. 360's got a fan base, Wii just has innovation. Microsoft just wants to belong.
Which brings me to the foul language. If Microsoft wants to make another fucking innovation into video games, they shouldn't make a blatant knock-off of an existing and prominent piece of hardware, as theirs will likely be a piece of shit like SixAxis, and this other remote Sony's making: http://news.teamxbox.com/xbox/13250/Sony-Patents-WiimoteKiller-Game-Controller/ (Finally,I can grasp items for real?) Invest your research dollars into something new.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
May 1st: Anti-Social Networking
I fucking hate Facebook. And MySpace, and any other "Social Networking Site" that may exist on the world wide web. I don't understand people's attraction to it, I don't understand how anybody has the time to check, operate, and use it, and I don't like it.
I'm not the expert, ok? I've never used one of these sites, and I don't claim to know all about them, so I'll reply to any comments on this post. But I've chosen to stray away from these sites for a few reasons.
First of all, I own a blog. I like to think I'm prominent enough on the internet. I only have people I know reading my blog, although it's bound to happen that someone I don't know will stray on here and either become a reader or click the back button. I don't need several dozen people I don't know making comments and sending me emails on a daily basis. But that's what social networking is all about. (Right?) Meeting new friends who may rape you if you meet them offline. (We've all had the police give a school presentation on web safety I'm sure.)
Second, I am not confined to my house. I can simply talk to the people I know, and phone or email the ones who live far away. There is no logical point in social networking for me.
Third, apparently one in three Canadians have Facebook. They must have sprung up overnight.
One in three? Bullshit. If it's true, then save us, Superman. If it's false, that's the most fucked up, derived, and poor advertising campaign ever. One in three have it. Why don't you? sort of deal.
Finally, I don't see the fun in it. I can send picures via email, and if I wanted to drop-kick somebody (Facebook's Superpoke) I'll do it for real ok?
To summarize, I think that used properly, (only people you know) Facebook could be a quick way to share stuff and talk over the internet with your friends. But, If your goal is to whore yourself onto as many friends lists as possible, fuck you, get a life. For those who already socially network, good luck out there, don't get raped.
I'm not the expert, ok? I've never used one of these sites, and I don't claim to know all about them, so I'll reply to any comments on this post. But I've chosen to stray away from these sites for a few reasons.
First of all, I own a blog. I like to think I'm prominent enough on the internet. I only have people I know reading my blog, although it's bound to happen that someone I don't know will stray on here and either become a reader or click the back button. I don't need several dozen people I don't know making comments and sending me emails on a daily basis. But that's what social networking is all about. (Right?) Meeting new friends who may rape you if you meet them offline. (We've all had the police give a school presentation on web safety I'm sure.)
Second, I am not confined to my house. I can simply talk to the people I know, and phone or email the ones who live far away. There is no logical point in social networking for me.
Third, apparently one in three Canadians have Facebook. They must have sprung up overnight.
One in three? Bullshit. If it's true, then save us, Superman. If it's false, that's the most fucked up, derived, and poor advertising campaign ever. One in three have it. Why don't you? sort of deal.
Finally, I don't see the fun in it. I can send picures via email, and if I wanted to drop-kick somebody (Facebook's Superpoke) I'll do it for real ok?
To summarize, I think that used properly, (only people you know) Facebook could be a quick way to share stuff and talk over the internet with your friends. But, If your goal is to whore yourself onto as many friends lists as possible, fuck you, get a life. For those who already socially network, good luck out there, don't get raped.
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